AVP
by Ronnie R15
Summary: Something I thought would be funny.


Well guys I finally did it, I managed to write another one shot. Hopefully you guys like it because After making it I gained some mixed feelings about it because it's mostly funny in a mental imagery kind of way. I chose to write this before updating **Zero's Dinobot** because of a discussion with DoomStone. Please review and enjoy.

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><p><strong><span>Artemis Vs. Predator<span>**

Somewhere out in the wilderness, far away from any major city or town, are a large group of girls. The girls were of various ages, ranging from 10 to maybe 16. Each and everyone one of them wore silver jackets and silvery cameo pants, and they were all armed with silver bows, though a few of them also carried hunting knives. In the lead was a girl with auburn hair kept in a ponytail and silvery yellow eyes. The girl in the lead also appeared to be about 12 years, which was odd considering that several of her followers looked to be several years older then her. Suddenly the auburn haired girl stopped in her tracks and raised the palm of her hand stopping the rest of the girls.

"Girls we shall make our camp here." The auburn haired girl said before she began to walk away.

"Where are you going Artemis?" Asked a girl about 15 years old with electric blue eyes.

"I feel the hunt calling me Thalia," The goddess Artemis answered as she walked into the woods. "You're in charge of the Hunters, take care."

_In A Nearby City_

High up on top of one of the cities buildings was a monster. This monster like many others; of course, was a predator of sorts. However, unlike many of the monsters of the planet Earth this monster was from another world entirely. This monster was a Yautja, an extraterrestrial species that hunts other dangerous species for sport and honor. Currently though the Yautja was sitting on one of the corners of the building's flat roof, nearly invisible to all thanks to his cloaking technology he had. Up there the hunter simply watched the humans below, looking for new worthy prey as he was eating some raw hotdogs he stole from some hotdog cart he passed by earlier. The Yautja then spotted something that caught his attention. What the hunter saw was a little human girl; a Girl Scout he believed, being stalked by several large aggressive looking men.

Now like all hunting Yautja he played the sounds of things he recorded to get close to his targets and he had the perfect one for this situation. "Honor!" His now donned mask played from 'The Last Airbender' series.

The girl then went into an ally and was followed by the men stalking her, so he quickly got up. Before he got down there though he was stopped in his tracks with what he saw happening. The aggressive looking men began to grow stopping at about 8 feet making them even bigger then him by almost a foot. To make things even more interesting some of the giants began to throw what looked like flaming metallic balls at the girl while the rest just waved some clubs in the air. But, what really got his attention was the little girl. In a silver flash her Girl Scout uniform was gone and in its place was silver themed hunters garb. That wasn't all though, silver-hunting knives then appeared in her hands along with a bow and some arrows on her back with a small silver flash. Quickly the girl proceeded to kill the "Laistrygonian Giants;" her heard her call them from below, effortlessly. It was when the last Laistrygonian Giant fell, the Yautja decided to no longer count her among the dishonorable prey and something worthy of becoming a trophy.

"You have my sword," The recorder went again. "And my bow, and my axe." It then added with two different voices quoting several characters from 'Lord of The Rings.'

Jumping from the flat roof he was on he began to make his way to the ally. Being careful not to be seen by the various people walking around. The Yautja jumped down into the far end of the ally with a loud thud making his presence known to the girl.

"What the Hades?" The girl said in surprise.

"Hello." The Yautja played another recording, this time from 'Saw.' "I want to play a game."

He then stepped in a puddle, which deactivated his cloak, fully revealing himself to the girl. What the girl saw was humanoid figure with mustard colored skin wearing what looked like to be some sort of wire mesh undershirt, loincloth and a few armor plates. She also seemed to be staring at his mask a lot, with what looked like desire. From the Yaujta's wrist gauntlet came out a pair of blades showing her his intent.

"My name is Lady Artemis, who are you to challenge me, you ugly son of a gu…!" The girl named Artemis began before she was interrupted.

The Yaujta interrupted with a recording. "Motherfu…!" The recording stopped when Artemis suddenly appeared in front of him smacking in the face with her bow sending him crashing into a wall.

"This is for children!" Artemis shouted when she attacked before walking towards the Yaujta.

The Yaujta's recorder at that moment played a quote from 'Men In Black.' "You know what the difference is between you and me?" At that Artemis stopped and answered with a blank look. "I make this look good."

Smirking behind it's mask as Artemis's face turned red in anger. Now with the goddess lost in a mini temper tantrum due to the slight the Yaunjta grabbed the edges of the dumpster next to him and quickly wheeled it in front of him. The alien hunter placed both feet on the dumpster's wall and pushed it towards the girl sending it speeding forward. The dumpster then slammed into the surprised girl at blinding speeds. Continuing forward the large steel waste container carried Artemis and broke half way through one of the buildings of the ally. It didn't take Artemis long to recover though and send the dumpster flying out the hole it made in the building. When she finally came out; reading her hunting knives, chewing on a cube of ambrosia, she saw her enemy nowhere.

"Ah where are you?" Artemis shouted in frustration before calmly addressing her unseen and missing quarry. "You know after hearing all the stories of the Predators I never once thought one of you would be a coward."

"Oh, sexy girlfriend!" Artemis groaned as she looked up hearing the recorder play a quote from 'Sixteen Candles,' never noticing the three-pointed mark on her chest.

Up above her she saw what looked to be distorted air on top of one of the buildings, which promptly disappeared with a sound of static as the Predator decloaked. Artemis then noticed a bright blue glow right above the Predator's shoulder. This ended with a sudden booming, as a blast of blue plasma was shoot out of the Predator's shoulder mounted cannon. It moved to fast for Artemis, she didn't even have time to respond and thus didn't dodge the blast. As the blast hit it's mark Artemis was thrown backwards and out of the ally with a crash and the sound of screeching cars.

"Oh God someone help her!" Someone shouted in the street.

"Oh my God she's a Girl Scout!" Another shout. "Someone check her for Tagalongs!"

Leaping off of the building he was standing on the Predator began to walk out of the ally to follow his new prey. Turning his head to the gauntlet on his arm to turn his cloak back on as his mask played the song 'Heigh-Ho' from Disney's 'Snow White' soundtrack. Making his way out of the ally the Predator threw several mines around the area. Instead of using them in the traditional way though he used them as grenades. So after they blew up and probably kill a few random people the rest of them quickly ran away, leaving him to finish what he started unhindered. Now that that little chore was done he walked towards his prey, the so-called Girl Scout. Stopping in front of a crumpled van's side he reached forward to grasp the head of the now dead girl stuck in the side of said vehicle to collect his trophy. When his hand made contact with the girl's head though he stopped what he was doing to observe the gold colored blood of the girl; now confused, after all shouldn't a human's blood be red. Suddenly without warning the Predator released a roar of pain as he felt a blade pierce his side. Looking down he saw a silver hunting knife imbedded in his side, right above his waist.

"You really think it's that easy?" He looked down to see silver eyes glaring at him. "I've been taking it easy on you before, but no more."

"Aaaaawl righty then." Was the answer Artemis got though, complete with the voice of Jim Carrey.

With a savage yell Artemis quickly ripped her knife out of the Predator making release another roar of pain. She then kicked the predator in the crotch turning its roar into a high-pitched yelp. Releasing Artemis from it's grasp to cradle it's balls, Artemis got out of the car's crumpled up side to grab the back of the alien's head and slam it into the car. Now seeing stars the Predator collapsed on the ground. Seeing this as an opportunity Artemis grabbed the Predator by one of it's ankles and dragged him farther into the street and swung him in the side of a eight wheeler. The Predator having the sense almost literally knocked back into him from the act of violence began thrashing around trying to escape or at least slow himself down for the next impact. Artemis believing that she had pretty much won began to slow down, or at least she was until she a spear thrust forward at her, slicing her cheek open. Despite the momentary shock she suffered from the attack, Artemis ignored the pain and let go of the Yautja, grabbed the other end of the spear and flung the alien away. The goddess then turned to the sound of shattering glass, now facing a large smashed window she took out her bow and continuously fired five arrows at a time threw it.

The building's door was then slammed open. "Thank you come again and have a wonderful day!" A cheerful voice was heard saying and the Yautja came out ducking his head as he left the building.

The Predator's record then played in Neil Patrick Harris's voice. "Pooo-sy, I'm home!"

The Predator was quickly shot in the face, though the arrow that hit him was a boxing glove tipped arrow. Naturally the alien clenched his face instinctively. Merely moments after his hand connected with his face he ended up on his back feeling like he was hit by a truck. Lifting his head up to see what hit him he saw Artemis quickly punch him in the throat sending him back down.

"I already told you this story's for children!" Artemis yelled at him as she pummeled the alien hunter with punches.

"Objection!" The Predator's recorder blared as it's wearer managed to knock Artemis off of him.

Artemis ended up on the side of the road. As she began to push her face away from the curb though she felt a sudden weight force her back down. With a cry of surprise she opened her mouth as it ended on the cement curb. The Predator on the other hand held Artemis down with his foot on her back as he at that moment did a curb stomps her. As the deed was done Artemis; in her pain, let loss several curses in ancient Greek and Latin as her teeth were shattered. The Predator took note of this quickly and ripped out a near by parking meter. He then raised his arm up into the air to start clubbing her with it. As the parking meter club descended Artemis with godly speed pushed her self up and kicked the make shift club, breaking the actually device off from the pole it was on and hitting the alien in the face as quarters were sent flying out of it. In the Predator's moment of distraction Artemis quickly sweep one of her legs under him, knocking the Yautja off balance and on to the ground. Reaching forward Artemis grabbed a hand full of the dreadlocks on the Yautja's head and dragged the flailing alien to a still running minivan.

She then lifted the Yautja up from the; which would have been an impressive feat if she was actually the 12 year old girl she appeared to be, and slammed it's face into the van's hood. The van's hood crumpled at the impact while the alien hunter tried to push away. As it struggled Artemis almost effortlessly slammed it's head back into the mini's hood making it pop open. Getting sick and tired of the rival hunter's constant struggle she took one of her knives and stabbed it through the alien's hand, nailing it to the van. As the Yautja roared in pain from his newest injury Artemis managed to grab his other hand and did the same thing. This granted Artemis greater control over the situation and simply had to keep the alien's head in between the still running van's engine and it's now crumpled hood.

Artemis then slammed the hood down on the Predator's head repeatedly as she ignored its roars of pain on the engine as she spoke. "My name is Lady Artemis and I am the goddess of the hunt and moon, to try to hunt me of all people is a mistake and in your case a grave one, for I am the hunter, I am always the hunter and at this moment you are the prey!" Quickly Artemis pulled the Yautja out from the van's hood, ripping its hands free from the hunting knives pining him down and threw him into the middle of the road before stepping on top of him, reaching for his mask. "And now unlike you I shall claim my trophy."

With Artemis's new trophy in hand she decided to truly end things and summoned her hunting knives from the mini van and used one to stab the monster in one of its lungs, collapsing it. The other knife was used to gut the Predator. Artemis did this to punish the monstrous alien hunter for daring to hunt her and make a trophy of her. With the Yautja now slowly and painfully dying Artemis walked away briefly admiring her newest trophy before mumbling to herself about "looking for more spoils of war." She never noticed the extraterrestrial though began to push several buttons on his wrist gauntlet, only stopping when the gauntlet began to beep.

"Oh, you think darkness is your ally?" The Predator's recorder played. "You merely adopted the dark."

Artemis holding the Predator's mask heard the recording. "What?" She said in confusion as she looked at her confusion.

"I was born in it, molded by it, I didn't see the light until I was already a man." The recording continued. "By then it was nothing to me but blinding, the shadows betray you because they belong to me!"

Artemis turning around to face her fallen foe shook the mask in the air as she yelled. "What is this, are you making fun of me?"

Artemis at that moment heard the beeping coming from the now deceased hunter. She carefully approached the body and saw the wrist gauntlet on the alien. Her eyes then widened as she heard the beeping quicken and saw the glyphs on the gauntlet gradually disappear as its beeping quickened. The immortal goddess quickly realized what was happening but it was to late.

"Oh balls." Artemis said as the device exploded blinding Artemis with the color blue.

_Outside City Ruins_

On a road, which led to the city, was a large speeding motorcycle. The motorcycle's gas tank had flames painted on it. It had a blood red headlight. On both sides of the bike were shotgun holsters, complete with the guns themselves. Sitting on the unique leather seat was a large man wearing a red muscle shirt, black jeans, a equally black leather duster and shades that held a red glow behind them. This man was the god of war Ares. Behind Ares though was a woman unlike any other, for her physical form always changed, to become whoever's seeing her, their own ideal version of beauty. This woman of course was Aphrodite the goddess of love and lust. The reason these two gods were together right now was quite simple they are taking the scenic root to a new French restaurant for one of their dates.

"Ares my love are we almost there?" Aphrodite asked quietly.

Despite the wind roaring past them Ares was still able to hear clearly. "Almost sugar" Ares answered with a yell.

"Why are all of the trees bent over?" Aphrodite asked as she noticed that all of the trees they're now passing are bent away from where the city is.

Ares, however, didn't answer. Instead the war god stopped his motorcycle at the end of the road with his mouth hanging open. This is because beyond that point there was a giant crater. The two Olympians expressions then slowly changed, one to confusion and the other to pure joy.

"Where did that come from?" Aphrodite asked.

"By Chaos's sweet bosom I don't believe it, it's finally happened!" Ares yelled happily.

Hearing this Aphrodite turned to Ares. "Wait, what's happened?"

"World War 5!" Ares said happily, looking like a child at Christmas.

"Oh, so does that mean our date is…" Aphrodite began, clearly upset since she won't be going to the new restaurant, but then she stopped herself when she realized something. "Wait what happened to there being a World War 3 and 4, or was I just not paying attention again?"

"Don't worry babe for that is the glory of World War 5!" Ares said still over joyed. "You see WW5 comes along and completely kills WW3 in a fashion so brutal and savage that it makes WW4 run straight into Tartarus for safety!"

"Ares honey I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way." Aphrodite said as she was doing her make up.

"It's alright if you don't understand baby, you're not a war deity after all." Ares said gleefully. "Now excuse me beautiful I'm going check my nukes and bring out some really big fireworks for the occasion!" Ares then flashed out with his disguised war chariot.

"He left me, I can't believe he left me!" Aphrodite screamed in anger when her boyfriend abandoned her before stopping with a look of revelation. "Oh wait there's still Mars." She said as she too flashed away.

_The Hunters Camp_

The Hunter's camp was in a state of disarray and panic after they heard the sound of the explosion. None of them knew exactly what happened but when one of the Hunters returned from investigating it and reported a giant crater where a city used to stand every single girl there went in a frenzy. They were everywhere in their camp try to pack up and put everything away, preparing for the worst. One hunter though tripped on a rock and dropped several silver dog bowls, which were used for feeding the wolves, on the ground. Lucky for her though the Lieutenant, Thalia was near by and came to help.

"Here let me help you." Thalia said to the other hunter.

"Thalia when will we be leaving?" Asked the younger hunter.

"When Lady Artemis gets back I guess." Thalia answered since she to didn't know she just wanted to be prepared.

No sooner then she said that though she hear another hunter shout, "Intruder." Within moments the entire hunt was where the shout originated, armed with their bows. What they saw simply stunned them all. It was a little girl covered in soot and ash. She wore what looked to be a black jacket and pants, though Thalia assumed that the color was thanks to all the soot. She wore an odd mask as well, though instead of wearing it on her face she wore it like a helmet instead. She also had a very large bronze or copper colored spear though she was currently using it as a walking stick. As the girl got closer Thalia saw that the girl was walking with a visible limp, which explained the need for the make shift walking stick. As the girl got closer Thalia was able to make out some more details of girl. Her clothes were torn up and her hair was wild and burned in several places almost like she held her face up to a explosion. Thalia's eye's then widened in realization when she saw the thin streams of golden blood flowing from her and her silver eyes.

"My Lady!" Thalia shouted as she ran forward with the rest of the hunt not far behind. "What happened to you?" She asked when she made it to her.

"I was hunting Thalia." Artemis said with a cough.

"What the Hades were you hunting, did it get away?" Thalia yelled both shocked and confused that one little long hunting trip could have caused the destruction of a entire city.

Artemis simply turned to face Thalia with a glare and said. "I am the greatest hunter there ever was and shall be!"

After the goddess's declaration Artemis began to limp back towards the packed up camp. However, she never made it for she collapsed from fatigue. The mask she had on as helmet rolled off her head as she landed and rolled back to the Hunters.

"Bazinga!" The mask played startling the Hunters.

Thalia quickly sent several of the hunters to reassemble their camp. While she and another hunter went to get their K.O.-ed mistress.

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><p>Please remember to review, no I'm off to work on <strong><span>Zero's Dinobot<span>**.


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